Rugrats: Crusade of the Crimson Rosebush
by LovelessNobodyXIII
Summary: When tragedy strikes the Pickles household, nothing will be able to stop one baby's quest for justice.
1. CRUSADE ACT I: CRAWL

RUGRATS: CRUSADE OF THE CRIMSON ROSEBUSH  
Written by Christopher Rangel

ACT I: CRAWL

Stu Pickles was walking around the kitchen one night when there was a loud crash.  
"What is happening?" he asked as he went to the living room. He looked around and saw that a whole bunch of furniture had been turned over, but there was no sign of life anywhere.  
"Hello?" he said. "Anyone there?" He looked up and saw his father, Lou Pickles, pinned to the ceiling with knives, but no blood dripped down. Stu was out of breath, staggering backwards and unsure what to do. He screamed.

The ambulance left the next morning, and the children all gathered around the window to see their grandfather's final trip from home.  
"HOly shit!" said Chuckie. "Someone killed the fuck out of your grandpa!"  
"I know", said Tommy. He held his hand to the window. "And I won't rest until I know which one of you mother fucking thumb suckers did it!" He turned around to the rest of the children, his eyes filled with malice.  
"Whoa man, you're not saying one of us did this!" exclaimed Phil.  
"Yeah, that is stupid!" said Lil.  
"I'll be damned if it wasn't one of you", said Tommy. He pulled a gun out of his diaper.  
"Holy shit!" said Angelica. "Tommy, put that the fuck away! You are too young to use that! You are a baby!"  
"I'm not just a baby!" said Tommy. "I'm a baby with a vendetta, and a motherfucking gun to cap you homies with!"  
"Put the gun down", said Susie. "I know that youo know that none of us did this. Just put the gun down." Tommy's hands began to shake, then he dropped the gun and cried.  
"I'm gonna kill the cock sucker that did this!" Tommy screamed.  
"Shut the fuck up babies!" Screamed Didi. "I am trying to grieve over here! Hey, what is this?" Didi found a note on the table, read it, then slammed it back down and left the room crying.  
"What the fuck was that about?" asked Angelica. "C'mon guys, let's go!" So Angelica unlocked the door to the babies play area and they made their way to the table. Using teamwork, Tommy made his way to the top of the table and read the note.  
"I can't fucking read this", said Tommy, so he dropped the letter and it landed in Angelica's hand.  
"I'm fucking done with this!" she read out loud. "You'd better fucking run, Stu, because I'm coming for you next! Love, Chas."  
"Holy shit!" said Chuckie. "My dad killed your grandfather!" Tommy tackled Chuckie, taking a knife out of his diaper and holding it to Chuckie's throat.  
"Alright, fuckin' Chuckie", said Tommy. "If you don't tell me where your stick-ass dad is, I'm gonna fucking open your pussy ass neck!"  
"I don't know where my dad is!" yelled Chuckie.  
"Holy fuck!" said Didi as she came into the room. She grabbed Tommy and took away the knife and made for the phone to put him in juvee or some shit.  
"No, wait", said Stu as he entered the room, carrying another letter. "I have read this letter from dad. He's been training the children since birth for this very occasion; he knew something was up with Chas. These babies are trained warriors. This is what they must do. Put Tommy down." Didi put Tommy down and Stu made his way to his son. "Now listen here, son", said Stu. "Don't kill Chuckie; you must not kill the son for the sins of the father. You must kill the father. Now go. Find Charles Finster. Make me proud. Make Grandpa proud." He put the knife back in Tommy's hand. "I wish you luck on your journey. To find Charles, you must crawl until you can walk, and then walk until you're able to run. Then you will find him right in front of you."  
So Stu kicked all of the kids out of the house (with the permission of everyone's parents, except for Chuckie's). To begin with they crawled to Chuckie's house. The door was ajar and they were able to make their way inside.  
"Kimi!" Chuckie cried. "Kimi, can you hear me!?" They looked up and saw Kira, Chuckie's adopted mother, pinned to the ceiling with knives. Chuckie threw up.  
"Holy fuck!" exclaimed Lil.  
"This motherfucker gonna pay", said Tommy, keeping his hand near the gun in his diaper. "I guarantee it." They could hear crying coming from deeper in the house, so they went to check it out. They eventually stopped at the closet door.  
"Kimi!" Tommy yelled at the door. "Kimi, its okay! Its us! It is your friends and not your crazy ass dad!"  
The door opened and Kimi stumbled out, rubbing the tears from her eyes.  
"Holy fuck, Chuck", said Kimi. "Your dad is a fucking lunatic and he killed my mom!"  
"He's your dad as well!" Chuckie whined.  
"No, he's not!" said Kimi. "Not anymore. My dad is back in Paris, or Japan, or dead, or wherever the fuck he is. He is not your dad. Not anymore."  
"None of that matters", said Tommy. "What we need to do is find that cock sucker. Do you have any idea where he went next."  
"He said he was going to your place to teach your dad a lesson."  
"Yeah, we know", said Tommy. "It happened. We have to move on."  
"I'm sorry", said Kimi.  
"Me too", said Tommy, looking grimly into the distance. "But what's done is done, and all we can do is keep moving forward."  
So they made their way outside. Kimi told her story, how she hid herself in the closet as Chas started to yell, and saw through the crack of the door as he stabbed Kira for the first time. She didn't look after that, and had no idea how he was able to get her onto the ceiling like that.  
They stopped at the Pickles house to retrieve their loyal companion Spike from the yard.  
"Spike will carry all the supplies we need on our quest", said Tommy, and with that they made their way from their familiar neighborhood.

The Sun was falling. It was getting cold. They stopped at a nearby Inn with a bar attached. They stumbled into the bar. Tommy tapped Chuckie on the shoulder, meaning for him to begin asking questions to the adults.  
"Where are we?" asked Chuckie.  
"You're a little young to be here, now aren't you?" said the man.  
"Cut the shit and tell us where we are!" exclaimed Chuckie, on edge.  
"Ha! I like it! You've got spirit, kid. You're in none other than Winchester Nevada, the toughest neck of the toughest woods, and you're talking to the toughest of the tough, Ryu, the Street Fighter Champion. I..." then he stopped as soon as he saw Kimi. "Holy shit. Kimi."  
"Do I know you?" asked Kimi.  
"I'm your father", said Ryu, a tear coming to his eye. Kimi began to cry. "Hey, if you kids need somewhere to stay, you can come over to my place. Any friend of Kimi's is a friend of mine." So they went to Ryu's dojo.  
"It's not much", said Ryu as he opened the door. "But its home. I can put some sleeping bags down on the fighting ground. Make yourselves at home and all that shit." He went over to the kitchen and began to prepare some tea. He brought some out for everyone and they all drank the tea.  
"Kira got back in touch with me a few months ago, but she's been silent for the past few days. And you guys are an awful long way away from home. Is everything alright?"  
"Kira's dead", said Chuckie. "My dad killed her."  
"Chas? Shit. I knew I could sense something evil within him. I thought it was just my imagination. I should have listened to Lou..." He looked at Tommy. "Hey, wait, Lou trained you guys, didn't he?"  
"Yes", said Tommy. "He was the best warrior, until Chuckie's dad killed him."  
"Motherfucker", said Ryu. He breathed in deep, then exhaled. "Don't worry, I know you guys can attain vengeance. Ultimately, you must face the Chas... the Finster... alone. That is your burden. But it will be my burden to make sure you're ready. To make sure you learn to walk, and afterwards to run. Now, babies, show me what you got!" He drew fighting pose and so did all the babies and children. They had an epic Kung-Fu match with chops and kicks everywhere. The babies played the offensive, and Ryu the defensive, to gauge their abilities. The babies landed expertly trained punches and kicks at Ryu, ultimately knocking him down.  
"Not bad", said Ryu. "For a mob. Anyways, you can keep this place as your home base, and tomorrow you can begin looking for leads on the Finster's whereabouts. For now, rest. You've got a long crusade ahead of you."  
They slept in the dojo, except for Tommy. He tried to fall asleep but could not. In the middle of the night he heard some loud banging sounds coming from Ryu's room. He got up and went to investigate, peeking through the crack in the door to see what was going on. He saw Ryu held against the wall by a couple goons, with a man in a black leather jacket wielding a baseball bat wraped in barbed wire standing in front of him.  
"You'll nver get away with this, Negan", said Ryu.  
"Really?" said Negan, twirling his bat around. "Cause I think I already have!" A third goon punched Ryu in the gut. Tommy assembled his friends and made for the room.  
"Hey asshole!" said Tommy. Negan turned around, amused.  
"Ha!" he said. "You runts are going nowhere. Saviors! Take care of them!" Negan jumped out of the window and his goons approached the kids.  
Chuckie looked at Tommy.  
"You ready for this?"  
"Time to kick some ass".  
The three Saviors jumped at the babies, but they jumped out of the way. Immediately Angelica, the oldest and most trained of the group, jumped onto one of their shoulders and snaped the guys fuckin' neck. The other two guys looked at each other in horror, but then turned to continue the fight. One of them sparred one on one with Tommy, until Tommy bopped him in the nose, sending him staggering backwards, then he pulled the knife from his diaper and leaped and slit the guy's throat. The third guy started to scream.  
"No, please, don't kill me! I can tell you anything you want to know!"  
"Where's the Finster?" Tommy asked, pointing his bloody knife in the man's face.  
"I... I don't know..."  
"Then die!"  
"Wait!" yelled Phil. "We can still ask him another question."  
"Very well", said Tommy. "Where is your base?"  
"Its right under the bar, The Faint of Hearts."  
"You'll take us there tomorrow."  
"Oh... oh, shit." Ryu bound him with rope and spent the rest of the night vigilant, watching over him.  
No one could sleep well that night. Tommy could see Chuckie shaking as he tried to fall asleep. Tommy crawled over to him.  
"Hey Chuckie, everything alright?"  
"My dad is a monster", said Chuckie. "Does that make me a monster as well?"  
"No Chuckie", said Tommy. "You are not a monster. You're a baby. A good baby. We'll take your dad down, don't worry about it."  
"Okay", said Chuckie. "If you say so. But we can't even find him!"  
"Don't worry", said Tommy. "We will find him. We don't know where he is now, but we'll find out. We have a lead. Tomorrow, we make for The Faint of Hearts."

Negan entered the dimly lit command room.  
"Sorry I'm late", said Negan. "We got held up a bit at the dojo, but my guys should have taken care of it by now." He looked to the table, around which sat a whole bunch of shady looking people, including Master Xehanort, Wilson Fisk (The Kingpin), Wilhelm Ryan, and Rufus Shinra. Giovanni, the leader of Team Rocket, stood up. He looked around the table with a quiet sense of pride, then faced Negan.  
"We've received word from the Finster. He's ready to move forward with the plan. Have you recovered the Protajewel?"  
Negan gave a brief laugh, then reached into his pocket with a smile on his face. He held up a round, shining red jewel.  
"Is this the stone you're looking for?"

TO BE CONTINUED


	2. CRUSADE ACT II: WALK

RUGRATS: CRUSADE OF THE CRIMSON ROSEBUSH

Written by Christopher Rangel

ACT II: WALK

Ryu kicked open the door to The Faint of Hearts, sending it flying across the room, hitting the bartender in the head, effectively knocking him out. Everyone turned to the newcomers and stood up, except for Solid Snake, who just sighed and lit another cigarette in boredom. One person, Captain Kirk of the Starship Enterprise, got up and checked on the bartender.

"He's dead, Jim", he said. "Kill them."

So everyone in the bar drew their weapons and stuff and ran to attack Ryu and the babies, except for Solid Snake, who couldn't care less.

All the babies and Ryu took care of everyone in the bar non-lethally, leaving them groaning on the floor. Tommy looked around; the only people left conscious were Solid Snake, still smoking at his table, and a Team Rocket grunt, standing by the far wall with fear in his eyes. Tommy made his way to the Team Rocket grutn.

"Where the fuck is the secret hideout, cunt?" he said, drawing his knife.

"Uh, not here", said the grunt. So Tommy threw him out of the way and pushed the button on the wall that the guy had been trying to hide. A secret staircase leading downwards appeared.

"Ryu", said Solid Snake. "What the fuck is going on? Why the fuck are you hanging out with a bunch of babies?"

"Because, Snake, a great evil is on the rise and we have to stop it. And they're not just babies; they're warriors, trained by the great Lou Pickles."

"A great evil", Solid Snake said under his breath. "Has he returned?"

"Oh, no. He hasn't returned yet, but he may soon. This may be an omen."

Solid Snake sighed. "Well, that's a relief. I suppose in the meantime I can help you out."

"Thanks", said Ryu. "Though I didn't ask..."

"You didn't need to ask", Solid Snake said, taking Ryu's hand in a manly handclasp.

So the party went downstairs and walked down a dark hallway. The smell of blood permeated the air as they opened the door at the end.

"Help", came a voice. They looked down and saw Master Xehanort on the floor, bloodied and bruised. They helped him sit up and applied pressure to his wounds.

"Was this the fuckin' Finster?" asked Tommy.

"The Finster? No. Negan... and Giovanni. We didn't know this was part of their plan..." he looked around the room. Wilhelm Ryan lay dead, and a trail of blood led from where Wilson Fisk had been sitting into another hallway. There was no sign of Rufus Shinra, though. "Bastards. The Protajewel has made them strong."

Xehanort summoned his Keyblade, using it for support as he stood up.

"Do you know where my dad... the Finster is?" asked Chuckie.

"Your dad is the Finster?" said Xehanort. "Shit, that sucks, dawg."

"Yeah dood", said Chuckie. "Sucks hard ol' dicks, but I gotta keep crawling until I can walk, and then I can run, and then I can take him the fuck down."

"Yes, like the prophecy", said Xehanort. "Well, for what its worth, I'd say you kids are walking already. Come on, let's get outta this shithole."

So they got out of the Faint of Hearts. It was a bright sunny day outside.

"The light", said Xehanort. "Never been a fan of that."

"Why not?" asked Suzie.

"Because light fuckin' sucks, that's why. Darkness is where its at", said Xehanort.

"I've got kind of a bad feeling about this guy", Phil whispered to Lil.

"Same, but if anyone is going to lead us to the Finster, its this guy. He knows about their activities, and also has a vendetta against him, just like us. And besides, if he turns on us, I think we can take him."

"I need a nap", said Tommy.

"Yeah, I think we all could", said Angelica.

"What are you, children?" accused Snake.

"Yes", said Kimi.

"Okay", said Snake, and they all took a nap.

Negan walked down the road in darkness, Giovanni and Rufus Shinra to either side of him. He held his bat, Lucille, in one hand, and with the other tossed the Protajewel into the air and caught it, over and over again. And Tommy was aware of all of it.

"The Finster will be most pleased", said Shinra.

"Indeed", said Giovanni. "With that Protajewel, he'll be nearly invincible."

"Really?" said Negan, looking at the red jewel he held in his hand.

"Yes", said Giovanni. "With the sacrifices we've committed in his name, he has already gained supernatural strength, but whoever holds a Protajewel also carries a fraction of God's True Power."

"Huh", said Negan. "I don't feel any different."

"No, of course not", said Shinra. "It's not anything you can really detect until the time is right."

"So, I gotta hand this over to the Finster once we get to Las Vegas, right?"

"Right", said Shinra.

"And what if I don't?" said Negan. "What if I just killed him, and killed you guys too?"

"Well, that would just be stupid", said Giovanni. "Don't do that."

"Ha ha ha", laughed Negan, then everyone else began to laugh, until Negan smashed both of them in the head, making them dead. "Alright Finster, there's a new Death Emperor in town."

Tommy woke up in a sweat.

"What's up, Tommy?" Chuckie asked, alerted by Tommy's alertness.

"HOly shit", said Tommy. I just had a dream that that cunt Negan smashed a couple of his friends with his bat, and that he is heading to Las Vegas to meet the Finster."

"Perhaps... that wasn't a dream", said Master Xehanort. "Tommy... you don't have a Protajewel, do you?" Tommy thought for a second, then reached into his diaper and pulled out a red jewel.

"This is the only jewel I have", Tommy said. "Grandpa called it the Jewel of the Crimson Rosebush".

"Yes..." said Master Xehanort. "That's what we called them in the old days, in reference to the innocence of God's Virginity. Tommy, with that jewel you have a special power that none of us have. You have a certain level of immunity to whatever dangers come your way, though you're not necessarily mortal. Though everyone who has held a Protajewel has died a meaningful death, you can rest assured." He looked to the sky for a moment, forgetting the light. "So now we must head for Las Vegas."

So they headed for Las Vegas, but it wasn't the city of lights and fun that it usually was advertised as. There were statues of the Finster everywhere, and people were fucking in the streets like dogs. Money rained from the sky like rain, and there was never a frown on any face. The air here was charged with an evil energy that encouraged every level of sin, and disembodied heads hung in the air, transparent and intangible.

"Huh", said Solid Snake. "It would appear that the City of Sin has evolved into the City of Death."

"And the Death Emperor sits atop all of it", said Master Xehanort, looking up at the tallest skyscraper in front of them. Or rather, Skyraper, as the sign at the top, but beneath the statue of the Finster that sat at the very top. The statue raised a sword into the sky, which left a trail of dark nothingness in the sky, matching its tip to the rotation and revolution of the Earth.

"No", gasped Ryu. "Where did he find it?"

"Find what?" asked Tommy.

"The Atomic Blade, a blade that can cut reality itself. Shit, we have to put an end to this fast." So they made their way down the street, but as they passed down, every person on the street stopped what they were doing (which was mostly fucking) and watched them walk by, but then they started to chase the party. The party noticed, then stopped to stand their ground as the Skyraper loomed overhead. Tommy drew his knife, and Ryu picked him up and threw him like a football. With his knife held before him, Tommy flew threw a hundred faces before landing on the ground, then he took out his gun and started slashing and shooting at the corrupted people that infested the streets. The children got into their favorite formation and did crazy kung fu on the people attacking them. Angelica kicked one person into the air, and then Phil propelled Lil into the air and she did an insane double fist crush which sent the dude crushing down into the air, crushing the enemies below and causing all of their bodies to explode. And then Solid Snake, Ryu, and Master Xehanort just did the stuff they usually do in their games to take down some of the Death Worshippers.

Once they were finished and the streets were filled with carnage, a man stepped out from the shadows of an alleyway. It was Sarumon the white! He lifted his sceptre with a smile and then all the dead came back to life.

"Motherfucker!" shouted Ryu. "Quick! We have to head for the tower! Run!"

And so they ran. Or at least Solid Snake, Ryu, and Master Xehanort did. The children were not ready to run yet, so they had to be carried by the adults.

They made it inside the tower, and blocked the door with everything they could find in the lobby.

"You are within the domain of the Finster!" said a voice. They turned around and saw that it was Saumon. "Why?"

"Because I'm gonna kill that motherfucking cocksucker for killing my Grandfather!"

"Hm", said Sarumon. "Amusing." He raised his sceptre into the air and the room disappeared, and they were now in a field. "Why not give it a break? Rest here, in this wonderful pocket dimension of mine."

"We've come to far to stop now", said Chuckie.

"Very well then", said Sarumon. He raised his scepter again, and now they were in a hot place surrounded by fire. On a throne in front of them sat Ifrit, and he stood up and drew his sword and beckoned for them to fight him, so they all charged. The party held their ground, but it was basically a stalemate as all either side could do was hold off the other side's attacks. That is until Ifrit managed to smack Tommy, sending him flying backwards.

"NO!" yelled Chuckie. Tommy struggled to pick his head up and he saw Chuckie run towards Ifrit, then jump into the air and punch Ifrit really hard in the face, his fist aglow with a white light. Then Tommy passed out.

"Why, hello there, Finster"

"Negan. What happened to the others?"

"The others? Well, they met the fate that you're about to face."

"Really?"

"I hold the Protajewel. I am fucking invincible. There is nothing you can do to defeat me."

"Well, let's see about that..."

"Holy sit!" said Tommy. "Negan and the Finster are duking it out upstairs!"

"We know", said Ryu. "We can feel their fight all the way down here."

Solid Snake stepped out from a hallway. "Every corner has been rigged with C4. Once we take down the Finster, we can take down the building and destroy the Atomic Blade."

"Very well", said Master Xehanort. "Let's make our way to the top." So they took the elevator to the top and found themselves in a throneroom.

Negan was looking around, confused. "Come on Finster, let's finish this!" he yelled. Then he noticed the party. Everyone got into their fighting pose, except for Chuckie, who stood still in shock.

Negan laughed. "You guys! I'm afraid this is none of your concern. Leave now and I'll wait until later to kill you." He reached into his pocket and held out his Protajewel. "You see, I've got a Protajewel!"

Tommy reached into his diaper and pulled his out, showing it to Negan. "Ditto", said Tommy.

"No shit! So, here we have a battle between two true Protagonists. Well, let's see what happens next!" He raised Lucille and charged towards Tommy, who blocked it with his knife.

"You're just a baby!" spat Negan.

"Well you're just a Dumbfuck", said Tommy, and he leapt onto Negan's neck and snapped it. Negan crumpled to the floor. "Protagonist my ass."

"Where's the Finster?" asked Ryu. Just then the Protajewel was lifted from Negan's pocket from an unseen force, and laughter erupted from all around the room.

Chuckie was staring right at the source of the laughter. "Jesus Christ", he said.

"What is it?" asked Kimi.

"Its me!" came Chas's voice. "The fuckin' Finster!"

"Where are you, cunt?!" screamed Tommy.

"You can't see me", said the Finster. "For you have yet to run. But you've run a little early, haven't you, Chuckie?"

"What happened to you?" asked Chuckie.

"Godhood."

Tommy was shocked as he saw a bloody hole appear in Chuckie's chest. Chuckie fell to the floor."

"Fuck!" said Ryu. "Snake, detonate the C4!"

So Solid Snake detonated the C4, and the Finster's Skyraper crumbled to the ground, with everyone still inside...

(One day later)

Atop the rubble ruins, the Atomic Blade lay in the open air, still cutting a tear in reality in the trail of the world. There was stillness in the city around it. Silence permeated the scene. There was some shifting in the rubble, and a hand reached out of it, grabbing the Atomic Blade by the handle.

TO BE CONTINUED


	3. CRUSADE ACT III: REST

RUGRATS: CRUSADE OF THE CRIMSON ROSEBUSH

ACT III: REST

Written by Christopher Rangel

Tommy Pickles was lying in a hospital bed. He felt very sore, and he wasn't entirely sure what he was doing there, but whatever.

He sat up and gasped. Standing in front of his bed was The Finster.

"Hello, Tommy", said the Finster. "You've been asleep for quite a while!"

Tommy clenched his fist, but was too tired to fight. "What the fuck are you doing here, bastard?"

"I just came to check on you! I was worried", said The Finster. "You know, an entire fucking building fell on you, but you managed to make it out alive when the majority died", The Finster gave a wink, "and I think I know what the difference was between the dead and the survivors."

"The Protajewel", said Tommy.

"Protajewels", corrected The Finster.

"So, have you come to take mine away?" asked Tommy.

"On the contrary", said The Finster. "In truth, I've come to see if you'd want to join forces! I thought, perhaps something might have changed... in the eighteen years you've been asleep."

"Eighteen years?!" exclaimed Tommy. He looked in a mirror to his left and saw the face of a purple haired adult.

"You're all grown up!" said The Finster.

"The other..." said Tommy. "They're... really... dead?"

"Unfortunately, yes. All your friends are dead", said The Finster. "But remember, son, you're talking to the fucking Death Emperor right now! Their deaths can be undone if you lend your strength to me."

"You... could?" said Tommy. His hand lifted for a moment, as if to reach out, but then he brought it back.

"No!" exclaimed Tommy. "I'll never join with the likes of you."

"Hm..." said The Finster. Tommy noticed the sheath of a sword at his side. "You'll come around eventually." Then, for a moment, his face transformed into that of a horribly disfigured demon with grimy red skin and reptilian eyes, and then he was gone.

Tommy was breathing heavily, then Nurse Joy walked into the room with her Clefairy at her side.

"You're awake!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah", said Tommy. "Hey, if that guy wants to see me again, don't let him in."

Nurse Joy looked confused. "But... you haven't had any guests."

Tommy was silent for a second. "Right. Of course. Uh, how much longer do you think I'll have to stay here?"

Nurse Joy looked uneasy for a moment. "Well, I'm not really sure you'll want to leave here, the way things are... outside."

"What do you mean?" asked Tommy.

"Well, um..." began Nurse Joy, but Tommy was impatient so he sat himself up and forced himself out of bed.

"Hey, don't..." Nurse Joy began, but Tommy limped over to the window. There seemed to be all out war breaking out outside. People were fighting deformed monsters that seemed to be wearing the skins of other people.

"They've called this the Great Skinwalker War", said Nurse Joy, standing beside Tommy now. "The Beast has emerged into our world, and brought an army of his demonic Skinwalkers with him."

Tommy sighed, walking back to his bed. "Skinwalkers, Death Emperors, where does this end?"

"Um..." started Nurse Joy. "Now that you're awake, there is someone who would like to see you."

Tommy sighed. "Let them in." Nurse Joy nodded and then left. Into the room stepped Ryu.

"Ryu!" said Tommy.

Ryu nodded. He was older now, a little more grizzled, and currently covered in blood. "I can't stay for long", said Ryu. "I have to protect this hospital from the Skinwalkers. Still, its good to see you awake."

"Everyone else, they're..."

"Snake managed to make it out of there, only to die somewhere else, and Master Xehanort survived as well, but the bastard sided with the Skinwalkers", said Ryu. "But everyone else died there. I'm sorry, Tommy." Tommy swallowed hard.

"I saw the Finster", said Tommy. Ryu took a step back.

"What? How? What did he want?" asked Ryu.

"He wanted me to join his side", said Tommy. Ryu sighed.

"Of course he'd still be on the move; this whole Skinwalker Crisis, and the Spongecum Incident years ago (see "Winter Leaves Like a Son in a Parade"). He's managed to fly under the radar for all these years." He looked at Tommy. "You could see him this time though, right? Once you get better, you should be able to defeat him once and for all." He pat Tommy on the shoulder. "Take it easy, kid", and with that he left the room. Tommy reached into the pocket on his hospital gown. The Protajewel was there, still with him. Once more, he forced himself out of bed and, using his life support system for support, walked out into the hallway.

Everything seemed to be normal in the hospital, with nurses and doctors checking on their patients, a few of which were able to go for walks around the building. Some people were completely fine but staying there to avoid the war outside. In one of the rooms that Tommy passed was Saitama, apparently having a new arm sewn on...

The sound of glass breaking came from one of the rooms, followed by someone saying "Holy shit!" and "Fuck!" and then there was a scream, some disgusting gurgling, a moment of silence, and then panic coming from the same area. Tommy trudged there as fast as he could and saw some dude that had the same aura emanating from him as the people he and his friends had fought in Las Vegas.

"Shit", said Ryu, who stepped next to Tommy. "That's no Skinwalker. That's one of The Finster's. A Deathless" Ryu looked at Tommy. "Are you well enough to fight?"

Tommy disconnected his life support and got into his fighting position. "Let's find out", he said.

The Deathless roared and leaped at the two of them. Tommy and Ryu jumped in opposite directions away from it, then Tommy instantaneously stepped forward and smashed the Deathless in the side of the head. Tommy felt lightheaded after that and was almost knocked over by the Deathless's retaliation. When it went in for a second hit, Ryu stopped it with an uppercut that sent it through the ceiling.

"I'll take care of this", said Ryu. He jumped through the hole in the ceiling and Tommy could here the sound of fighting up there as he looked up. Then when he looked down The Finster was standing right there with a smile on his face.

"They say that, in times of war, the Death Emperor becomes more powerful." He started to laugh; behind the usual laugh of Chas Finster there was a deeper, more demonic chuckle. "You know, Tommy, if you don't join me then I'll have no choice but to follow you until you die. And in our wake there will be indiscriminate bloodshed. Join me, and you can decide on who suffers, but as long as you refuse, well... I'd recommend leaving this hospital if you have any moral fiber in your body." He laughed again and disappeared. Ryu jumped down from the ceiling.

"All taken care of", said Ryu. "But I'm not sure how long it will be before more come. Jesus Christ, now I have to protect this place from Skinwalkers AND Deathless."

"I have to go", said Tommy.

"What?"

"The Finster came again. If I don't leave here, everyone in this hospital will be in danger."

"But..." began Ryu. "Outside its nothing but war. And you could barely handle one Deathless!"

Tommy reached into his pocket and pulled out the Protajewel. "I've still got this", said Tommy, "So, even if I do get killed, my death won't have been without meaning."

Ryu opened his mouth, as if to speak, but he knew that there was nothing he could say to dissuade him. So instead he put his hand on the boy's shoulder and said "Be careful out there. We're all counting on you." Tommy nodded, then they went to the exit. Tommy walked outside, and Ryu watched him from the door, arms crossed and a slight smirk on his face. He'd be fine.

Tommy stayed in the shadows to avoid unnecessary conflict, and managed to avoid trouble from the Skinwalker forces. He didn't know where he was going, but he had to get as far away from anyone who couldn't defend themselves as possible. Perhaps the battlefield was where he belonged after all...

"Duck!" came a voice, and suddenly he was tackled. The stranger got off of him and saw that it was Sora. Behind him, Goofy removed his shield from the gored face of a Skinwalker while Donald began to cackle. Sora helped Tommy to his feet.

"That Skinwalker almost killed the fuck out of you!" said Sora. he extended a hand. "My name's Sora."

"Well I was just about to call you Brown Spiky Hair Mcgee, but Sora sounds better", said Tommy. He shook his hand. "Name's Tommy."

"Well, we're friends now", said Sora.

"Alright", shrugged Tommy. Donald and Goofy came up to them and said "We are Donald and Goofy", then Tommy said "Hi Donald and Goofy, I'm Tommy", and they said "Hi Tommy, nice to meet you."

"Where are you off to?" asked Sora.

Tommy shrugged. "I guess I'm gonna take part in this war."

"You seem pretty out of it", observed Donald.

"Yeah, I just fucking woke up from an eighteen year long coma."

"Holy shit!" said Goofy.

"Yeah", said Tommy. "But once I get back in the swing of things, I'm an excellent fighter. I was trained by the great Lou Pickles himself."

"What, holy fuck!" said Sora. "You're the Pickles kid! I can't believe I didn't put it together until now!" Sora began to laugh. "Well, we'll be more than happy to keep you company, at least until you're back on your own two feet again."

"I appreciate it", said Tommy, "but you guys should know that as long as you guys are by my side, you'll be direct enemies of The Finster, the Death Emperor."

"Death Emperor Shmeath Emperor", said Donald as Goofy took out a pipe of meth and started to smoke it. "We can take him!"

"Yeah, no sweat!" said Sorry.

Tommy smiled. "Thanks guys", he said.

TO BE CONTINUED


	4. CRUSADE ACT IV: RISE

RUGRATS: CRUSADE OF THE CRIMSON ROSEBUSH

ACT IV: RISE

Written by Christopher Rangel

Tommy, Sora, Donald, and Goofy stood over the battlefield below.

"Time to fuck shit up", said Tommy, cracking his knuckles.

"Now hold on a fuckin' second, ahyuck!" said Goofy. He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out four pills. "They call this shit LSD. I haven't tried it yet, but I hear it does crazy shit to your head, ahyuck!"

"Let's do it up!" said Sora.

"Fuck yeah!" said Donald. So they all took an LSD and then waited a few moments.

"Whoa", said Tommy. He looked back to the battlefield and was entranced by the repeating patterns of people fighting people, and could no longer discern any difference between the two sides. "Like, why do people fight so much?" Tommy asked.

"Cuz that's like, something people just do, dude", said Sora.

"But does all the fighting ever accomplish anything?" Tommy pondered.

"Uh, I don't think so", said Goofy.

"Maybe in the short run", said Donald. "But in the long run... not likely." The four of them just kind of stood around for a while, feeling really out of their minds.

"We all just... keep on fighting", said Tommy. "Why? Is there anything we find fun in it?"

"I dunno", said Sora. "Wanna find out?"

"Let's do it", said Tommy.

"Time to go the fuck to war!" said Goofy.

"Yeah!" said Donald, and they all stumbled down the hill and into the battlefield.

They couldn't believe how good the day felt, even though the air was filled with smoke and the smell of decay. In front of them, a Skinwalker turned to face them and let out a terrifying screech.

"Oh hey, a new friend", said Sora. The Skinwalker charged at them.

"Uh, I don't think that's a friend, dude", said Tommy.

"Oh", said Sora, and he lopped off the Skinwalker's head with his Keyblade as it leapt at him. "Good call, ma dude!"

"No problemo", said Tommy. By now they were just traipsing through the heart of the battle, with blood flying at them from every direction.

"Holy shit, dude", said Goofy. "It's like fuckin' World War III out here."

"Yeah man", said Donald. "Groovy."

"What the fuck?!" came a voice. It was Sandor Clegane (The Hound)! He rode over to them and beheaded a Skinwalker as he jumped off of his horse. "You guys don't look like you belong on the battlefield!" he yelled.

"And you don't look like a figment of my imagination!" said Tommy. He extended a hand. "Name's Tommy Fuckin' Pickles, but you can call me Fuckin' for short." Sora, Donald, and Goofy laughed, but The Hound was unimpressed.

"You're a Pickles? Really? I would have expected more from you", said The Hound. "You look like nothing more than a junkie to me."

"Oh I'm way more than a junkie", said Tommy. "Check this out!" He walked over to a Skinwalker and snapped his neck, then came back.

"Holy shit", said The Hound. "You really are a Pickles!"

"Trained by the great Lou Pickles himself!" said Tommy. The Hound got on one knee.

"If you will let me, I will serve you to the end of the world", said The Hound.

"Whoa, cool!" said Tommy. "Hey guys, Burny McGee joined the party!"

"Name's Sandor", said The Hound. "But you can call me The Hound."

"I prefer Burny", said Tommy.

"Well, at least spell it Bernie", said The Hound.

"Deal", said Tommy, and so Tommy, Sora, Donald, Goofy, and Sandor "The Hound" "Bernie" Clegane walked deeper into the battle, slowly and coolly, while the people surrounding them killed the fuck out of each other.

"Hey, who the fuck is that?" asked Goofy. Tommy looked up and saw The Finster walking towards them, mysterious dark hood up and everything.

"Good afternoon!" said The Finster. "Lovely day for a war, isn't it?"

"Can't complain too much!" said Tommy.

"Indeed!" said The Finster. "It feels good to be surrounded by death, doesn't it!"

Tommy shrugged. "I be pretty indifferent, honestly", Tommy said, as he was distracted by how, even though The Finster's moustache was really stubbly, it still held within it perfect symmetry. "Wait, shit, I don't like you", said Tommy.

"You don't have to not like me", said The Finster. "The offer still stands for you to join my side!"

Tommy looked around and found he couldn't find any difference between the corpses and the soldiers. The only things he saw were dead people and people who would soon be dead.

"Like, I dunno", said Tommy. "I guess we'll just have to see."

"You're coming around", laughed The Finster. "Well, that's good. Once you come to your decision, just think of me as hard as you can, and a portal will open to my home. I will be waiting!" and with that The Finster disappeared.

"Dude, what are you doing?" asked Sora.

"I don't know", said Tommy, and he just started walking forward with a blank stare. The LSD was starting to wear off now, and he became more and more terrified by the scene surrounding him. He'd seen plenty of shit before, but never on this level.

"What are they all fighting for?" he wondered. "What are they dying for? Are they dying so that others might live? But then what about themselves? Why can't they enjoy their own lives? Conflict is a two way street." He looked at one of the Skinwalkers. "These things... are they really unintelligent monsters, or do they just have an intelligence that we can't understand. The two sides of this war, they just keep pushing against each other. They're both afraid that, if they give up, all of the potential energy building up between them will just come crashing back on them, wiping them out, so they have to keep fighting. But yet, they're still the same."

"So why don't we just kill everyone?" asked Bernie.

"You can do that if you want", said Tommy. "Coming out here... its a death sentence anyways. Well, we can die here..." he looked back at his party, "or we can run."

"Why not?" said Sora, Donald, and Goofy.

"Well", shrugged Bernie, "You say run... and I'll run!"

So they ran.

They ran through the thick of it and out of it, until they were standing in an abandoned battlefield, densely packed with old corpses. Bernie looked back at the battle with a little regret, then back to Tommy with resolve. By now, there was no LSD left in anyone's system.

A white portal appeared and out of it stepped Saruman the White.

"Hello, I am the bad cop", said Saruman. "You've got time to make your decision, but not an eternity. If I were you..." he raised his staff and the dead surrounding them all began to reanimate, "I'd be quick about it!" and he disappeared.

"Motherfucker!" said Tommy as they were all suddenly surrounded by Deathless.

"That guy said that you can summon a portal by thinking about him, right?" said Donald. "I think now might be the time to do that!"

"Shit", said Tommy. "I think you're right." He thought long and hard about The Finster, and suddenly all of the hatred he felt for him flooded through his mind. "You want an answer?" Tommy clenched his fist. "I'll give you your fucking answer." The Deathless stood still, and a tombstone appeared in front of them, with a stairway leading downward appearing in front of it.

"Let's go", said Tommy, and so they went.

THE DEATH DIMENSION

It was a long staircase, but eventually they reached the bottom. Looking up, there was a sky, even though they must have been underground.

"That staircase must have had some M.C. Escher shit going on, ahyuck!" said Goofy.

"Weird", said Sora.

"Welp, where there's a sky, there's blood to be spilled", said Bernie. In the distance were the spires of a massive castle, silhouetted by an enormous full moon. Approaching from that direction came six human figures, and Tommy gasped as they approached.

"Chuckie!" he exclaimed. "And Phil, Lil, Angelica, Suzy, and Kimi!" They all sadly waved at him. They were all grown up now.

"We've been waiting for you", said Chuckie.

"So you've reached a decision?" said Angelica.

"I have", said Tommy.

"My father..." began Chuckie, "The Death Emperor awaits in yonder castle. We can guide you there, if you so like."

"Please", said Tommy, and so his dead friends led the way for him and his living friends. Around them, the dead of all time looked up at them. In this world, they had degraded to grovelling on the ground for most of their days. When Tommy looked to his left, he saw two of the dead standing straight up. It was Solid Snake, with a younger man Tommy didn't recognize standing by his side. Snake saluted the party as they passed. Tommy returned his salute and pressed forward.

They stood at the gate of the castle. Two guards were standing by. They were Cloud Strife and Angeal Hewlay, both wielding their own Buster Swords (really the same one, but from different times). They opened the gates to let them in. Cloud Strife winked at Tommy as he entered.

"We're rooting for you, kid", said Cloud. Tommy nodded, understanding what he meant. In the castle's grand foyer was a giant, naked statue of The Finster, shooting water out of its dick into the fountain it was standing over. Millions of bodies were pinned to the ceiling with knives, still moving, still in this world's living state of death. Kimi saw her mother pinned to the ceiling, looking down at her, but did her best to stay stoic. It would all be over soon.

Tommy's old friend led them to the other side of the room, to the bottom of a massive spiral staircase.

"This is as far as we are permitted to go", said Chuckie. "At the top of these stairs you will find the Death Emperor... Do what you must."

"Thanks Chuckie", said Tommy. Chuckie was surprised by Tommy's hug, but then returned the hug, a tear forming in his eye. Then all of Tommy's old friends turned around and left the castle. Tommy turned to his living friends, Sora, Donald, Goofy, and Sandor "The Hound" "Bernie" Clegane.

"Are you guys ready to go?"

"Well, I'm having a boring-ass time not killing", said Bernie. "You heard the lad, let's go up there and do what we have to!"

"Yeah!" said Sora.

"Ahyuck!" said Goofy.

"Charge!" yelled Donald. So they started running up the stairs... and started running out of breath once they had made it a half mile upwards.

"How much farther?" asked Sora.

"I don't know", panted Tommy. They were basically trudging once they reached the one mile point. Bernie wanted to take a break, but Tommy kept yelling for them to go. Now was the moment that he would avenge everyone; his Grandfather, his friends, everyone.

Five miles up they emerged into a long hallway, at the end of which was a blood red door. They all nodded to each other, then walked down the hall and opened the door.

The Finster sat on a tall crimson throne, seemingly made from the same material as the Protajewels. Standing at the base of the throne, to either side, was Saruman and Lou Pickles. Lou took a step forward.

"You've done well, sprout", Lou said.

"Welcome to the family"

TO BE CONTINUED


	5. CRUSADE ACT V: RUN

RUGRATS: CRUSADE OF THE CRIMSON ROSEBUSH

ACT V: THE RUNNING FREE

Written by Christopher Rangel

"You have passed every test absolutely perfectly", said Tommy's grandfather, Lou Pickles. "You crawled until you learned to walk, and though you lost a considerable amount of time, it is clear to me that you have learned to run. And now the Death Emperor sits before you, and you must face him and answer the question."

The Finster leaned forward. "Will you join me? Yes, or no?"

"No", said Tommy. Lou nodded solemnly and turned to face The Finster.

"The boy has made his decision. What will you do now, Chas?"

The Finster grinned a smile filled with malice. "Now..." he said. "I shall kill him a million times over!" He stood in his tall chair, then took a step forward. He descended slowly to the ground, arms crossed and smile unwavering. Once he touched the ground he threw off his cloak to reveal the black leather armor he was wearing. "Tell your men to stand down", he said. "I want this fight one on one, hand to hand. Do you hear me?"

"Right", said Tommy. He turned to his friends and gave a hand gesture meaning for them to stand down. Sora, Donald, and Goofy nodded obediently, but Sandor "The Hound" "Bernie" Clegane gave an exasperated sigh.

"Let's go", said The Finster. They both raised their fists and began circling each other. Tommy noticed that The Finster still had the Atomic Blade sheathed at his side.

"You killed my grandfather", said Tommy.

"And I made him my slave", said the Finster.

"We trusted you", said Tommy.

"Why did you do that?" asked The Finster.

"I was a baby then", said Tommy. "I had no say in the matter."

"And if you had known what I was capable of..." began the Finster, "would you have killed me back then? Before I reached my full power?"

"Fucking right!" said Tommy, and he lunged forward for the first punch, which The Finster blocked easily, then swinging his other arm around to hit Tommy, but Tommy blocked with his other arm similarly. They were directly face to face now, each holding the other's attack at bay and neither easing on the pressure.

"You really have come far, haven't you?" said The Finster. "Back then, back in Las Vegas, you were all completely hopeless. Why, if it weren't for the Protajewel, you wouldn't be here right now. But I've still got mine. We're on an equal playing ground. Well, sort of, anyways..." The Finster pushed harder against Tommy for a moment, straining his arms more. Then he released his arms from the stalemate and leaped backwards, sending Tommy stumbling forward, in which time The Finster stepped to him again and delivered a fierce uppercut, sending him flying upwards. The Finster jumped into the air and crashed his fist down on Tommy, sending him back down to the ground with enough force to crack the floor around him. The Finster shook out his cramping hand. "Had enough yet?"

"N... never", said Tommy as he staggered to get up.

"Really?!" said The Finster as he turned around to face his enemy again. "You can't win!"

"But I can die trying!" shouted Tommy, and he surged forward with blinding speed, punching The Finster in the gut. The Finster stumbled backwards, hand to his gut and blood pouring from his mouth.

"Oof", said The Finster. "That smarted!" He looked back up to his opponent with a bloody smile. "Now we're having fun!" They both ran to each other, punching, blocking, trying to win the fight. They both landed a good amount of blows on the other, but neither were giving up.

They were both on the defensive again, standing a couple steps away from each other, and trying to regain their breath.

"You've got spirit, kid", said The Finster. "Do you want to hear why I did it? Why I killed Kira? Why I killed your grandfather?"

"Why?" said Tommy. The Finster began to laugh.

"Because I wanted to!" he yelled. "Because I could! What, why are you looking at me like that? Were you expecting me to say something like 'because fate commanded me to', or because it was necessary in order to become the Death Emperor? No. Everything that I did, I did because I enjoy the kill. Just like I'll enjoy this one!" The Finster lunged forward, but this time Tommy jumped and flipped through the air. He landed on The Finster's shoulders and, in a quick moment, he put his hands on The Finster's head and snapped his neck. The Finster crumpled to the floor, and took a step back.

"Its over", said Tommy. Then the Finster's head continued to turn around on its own, until it had rotated a complete 180 degrees, facing Tommy.

"You fucking idiot", said The Finster. He stood back up, twisted his head back into place, and stood before Tommy. The demonic second voice that Tommy had heard before spoke with The Finster now. "You can't kill me in the Death Dimension! I am immortal here!" His skin started to turn a dark red color, and he started increasing in size. "If you wanted to kill me, you should have done it back there in your world! But now you're here, in the realm of death itself! Here is where you will die, and once you come back as the dead, I'll pin you to my ceiling downstairs!" He laughed a terrible laugh. He was completely transformed now. Chas Finster had completely disappeared, and now standing before the party was a large red skinned demon with skeletal wings, gigantic muscles, a skull-like face, a horn on his head, and a tatoo of a lotus on his chest.

"Yeah", said Sora, standing beside Tommy now, "we're not letting you fight this thing alone."

"Yeah!" said Donald and Goofy, also stepping forward. Bernie walked towards the party, cracking his knuckles.

"I've been waiting for this! Let's go!"

"But there's no way that we can win..." said Tommy.

Sora put a hand on his shoulder. "Well at least we can die trying", he said. Tommy nodded, and the five of them turned to face their foe.

"Pathetic mortals!" roared both of The Finster's voices. "Prepare to be severed from this Universe!" he drew the Atomic Blade, cutting a stream of nonexistence in its wake. "I am no longer Chas Finster!" he yelled. "Now, I am CHAOS FINSTER!"

FINAL BATTLE: CHAOS FINSTER

Chaos Finster spread his wings and soared high into the Cathedral-esque heights of his throne room. Sora grinned at this, and shouted "Tinker Bell!" All of a sudden Tinker Bell flew out of Sora's ass or something and floated in front of him. "Tink, I need you to use some of your powder to make us fly!" Tinker Bell sighed, wanting to put up a fight, but ultimately floated above the party and sprinkled some fairy dust on the five of them. They all started to float in the air.

"Yes!" said Bernie. "Fucking yes! Now, let's go get him!"

"Thanks, Tink", said Sora, and then Tinker Bell flew back into Sora's ass and they flew up to fight Chaos Finster. Sora drew his Keyblade, Donald his staff, Goofy his shield, and Bernie his sword. Tommy only had his fists, and so he kept to his fists.

"Witness the suffering of eternity!" He flew towards the party, swinging his sword to cleave them all in half, but they all flew out of the way. Just as he passed them, however, missiles of dark energy emerged from the clawed tips of his wings.

"Look out!" yelled Tommy, but Goofy and Sora were hit.

"We're fine!" they said. "We can do this!" So Tommy flew to kick The Finster in the back of the head, but The Finster managed to grab him in the air and fling him against the wall.

"Shit!" said Tommy as he began floating again. "There must be some way we can do this!" 'Fly away' said a voice in his head. "No!" Tommy shouted back to the voice. "I've come too far! I can't just abandon ship now!" So he flew back to the party, trying to think fast as Chaos Finster slowly turned around. He looked at the demon in front of him, and at the weapons of everyone in the party. Then he had a plan.

"We can do this!" Tommy said. "Just listen to my plan, alright. Goofy, I need you to fly to The Finster's other side, and raise your shield. Then Donald, find a proper angle and shoot a fireball at Goofy's shield just so that it will bounce off of it and catch The Finster off guard. Then, Sora, I need you to throw your Keyblade so that it slashes across his eyes and, at least temporarily, blinds him. Bernie, I need you to fight him directly as a distraction. Be careful. Once everything has been done, I'll smash him back down to the ground and finish this once and for all."

Sora, Donald, and Goofy were immediately ready to go. Bernie said "Not crazy about the fire, but I'll suck it up I guess." So they all got into their positions.

"Hey, fuckface!" shouted Bernie. Chaos Finster looked directly at him. "You and me! Let's go buddy!" So they flew towards each other, swords drawn. They went in for the strike, and Bernie was surprised when his sword was cut like butter.

"Shit!" he said, but before The Finster could go in for a second attack, Donald let loose his fireball. Chaos was startled as it passed, amused when it missed, and shocked when it flew from Goofy's shield and into his back. Then Sora threw his Keyblade at his face, which smeared across his eyes like clay, effectively blinding him. Then Tommy brought his fists together and smashed The Finster towards the ground, falling with him at the same velocity.

"Gra!" roared The Finster. "Knifestorm! Rise!" he yelled, and below them an ocean an ocean of knives materialized, flying up towards them.

"Everyone!" yelled Tommy. "Here!" and they all gathered over The Finster's torso. There was no leaving the space above The Finster, as dense waves of knives just rose into the air, but Bernie snuck his way over to The Finster's right arm and snatched the Atomic Blade away from him, then threw it over to Tommy.

"DO IT!" screamed Bernie. "FINISH HIM NOW!" and Tommy raised the Atomic Blade into the air and plunged it down into Chaos Finster's chest.

Chaos Finster screamed, and the knives stopped materializing. The crashed to the floor with an enormous thud, sending Sora, Donald, Goofy, and Bernie flying across the room. Tommy still had his grasp on the Atomic Blade, which was still in Chaos Finster's chest. He pulled it out and stood over his opponent victoriously. Chaos Finster was wheezing badly now.

"Congratulations", he said. "You've won."

"Well", said Tommy, "I was never going to let myself die without avenging my grandfather." He looked at the wound he had left; around it, The Finster was beginning to dissolve.

"What will you do next... Death Emperor?" asked The Finster.

"Wha?"

"Whoever kills the Death Emperor... becomes the Death Emperor. I learned that when I killed the Original Death Emperor, Vlad Dracula", he laughed. Tommy felt a burning on his chest.

"What? Oh God!" said Tommy. He pulled off his shirt and saw the tattoo of a lotus appearing on his chest. Chaos Finster continued to laugh.

"The Death Emperor is one of the LOTUS; the Lords of the Undefined Symbols. We... you all wield power over the things that God does not know. Death. Peace. Sex. There are plenty of other things, too, but you'll meet the other LOTUS... soon enough."

"I didn't want this..." said Tommy.

"Me neither", said Chaos Finster. "I just wanted to be the guy that killed Dracula. But you know, I guess, in the end, we all just have to live with our actions, and then die by them." He closed his eyes. "I wonder..." he said, "what lies beyond the afterlife..." and with that he dissolved into thin air. Tommy wore the Atomic Blade's sheath and put the sword back inside. He pocketed The Finster's Protajewel and looked around. Everyone was standing around him now, and they bowed in respect. Lou Pickles took a step forward, then embraced his grandson in a warm hug.

"You've done well, spout", he said.

"Thanks Grandpa", said Tommy. When they released, Tommy exhaled and floated to the top of the throne. There he took his seat, and felt the powers of Death flowing into him. His mission had been accomplished, but he still had a life to live. He was ready for whatever major life task awaited him next.

TO BE CONTINUED

IN "SEASONS OF INSANITY" PHASE II

SPRING FLOWERS BLOSSOM LIKE THE CRIMSON TEARS OF MY SOUL

8/16/2017


	6. CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

RUGRATS: CHRISTMAS OF THE CRIMSON ROSEBUSH

Written by Christopher Rangel

Chuckie Finster woke up in his bedroom, and lingered a while beneath his warm sheets. Winter was still just as cold in the Death Dimension as it was in the World of the Living. Nonetheless, he threw off his sheets, got dressed, and looked in the mirror. The passing of time allowed Chuckie to gain the adult form that his life had denied him; he was All Grown Up now, and so were the rest of his friends. He looked out his window. Other souls were already starting to make their way up to Castle Thanatos. Chuckie decided it would be best to hurry. He didn't want to keep Tommy waiting.

Chuckie passed through his neighborhood. He saw Solid Snake and his son, Gregory Stapleton, getting out of their house, and next door to Snake's home a group of four nuns got out of their house. Chuckie wondered why the nuns never talked to Snake.

"Morning, fellas!" Chuckie said to the gatekeepers Cloud Strife, Angeal Hewley, and Zack Fair.

"Good morning, Sir Finster", said Zack, and the three of them bowed.

"How is Tommy doing today?" asked Chuckie.

"He is in merry spirits indeed!" said Cloud. "He thinks this Christmas will be a very special one!"

"I agree", said Chuckie. He gave one last wave and entered the castle.

As the World of the Living was going through a bit of an apocalypse, things were starting to get a little cramped in the Death Dimension, but that only made Death Emperor LOTUS Tommy Pickles more generous. He had started opening up his castle to everyone willing to come to have a massive banquet every Christmas, and every year his halls packed to the brim, but everyone who wanted to come was able to come in.

Chuckie took his seat next to Tommy, who was now looking even more like an adult, since he was still actually alive.

"Good morning, Chuckie", said Tommy, removing his hat with a slight bow.

"Hey Tommy", said Chuckie. He looked around. Phil, Lil, Kimi, Angelica, and Susie had already taken their seats, and he also saw Sora, Donald, Goofy, and Sandor "The Hound" "Bernie" Clegane sitting nearby. They still belonged to the Land of the Living, but they always made sure to visit the Death Dimension for Tommy's Christmas feasts. Behind Tommy's seat, the Death Guard, consisting of Saruman the White, Tommy's Grandfather Lou Pickles, and newcomer Negan stood at the ready in case anything were to go down.

"I've heard some news from the Upperworld", said Tommy.

"What is it?" inquired Chuckie.

"They're saying that the Godchris has left our world".

"Really?" said Chuckie. He wasn't sure how to react to this.

"Supposedly it was for the good of the world, and indeed since he left life has started to return. You can see it here yourself, as the stream of new souls has started to slow. But still, I worry."

"We've got nothing to worry about!" said Kimi, who was now older and SEXY. "There are still plenty of heroes in this world, and plenty of Bearers of the Protajewel. Not only that, but the son of God himself, Claudio-Sanchez, still walks the world in his father's place."

"Even so", said Tommy, "I've spoken to most of the other LOTUSes about my worries, and they've felt a strange sort of omen as well. Something is coming, and God is not here to help us."

At last the food arrived. On every table within the massive hall, plates of turkey, roast, vegetables, and a whole bunch of shit appeared out of thin air. The dead feed on pure energy, which abounds throughout the Death Dimension, but people with the power to manipulate Death, such as the Death Emperor, can rearrange that energy into any form, including any food, and so the dead taste what they would have tasted if it were real food and if they were alive, and it tastes the same to the living as well. Anyways, everyone dug in to the meal. It was very tasty. Then Fuckin' Santa Claus walked in and everyone stopped eating.

"Ladies and gentlemen", said Tommy, "Father Christmas!" Everyone applauded. Santa gave a "Ho ho ho!", bowed, and took a seat. Everyone was having a splendid time, but Chuckie could see that concern still rested on Tommy's face. Still, he knew there wasn't much to do, so he let it be.

Chuckie looked around the table. He was mostly content, but he felt a certain emptiness when he saw fathers and sons like Solid Snake and Gregory Stapleton, for he knew that he would never see his own father again. The Atomic Blade had completely purged him from existence. Sure, Chas Finster was kind of a garbage person in his last years, but he was still Chuckie's father.

"Is something on your mind, Chuckie?" asked Tommy.

"I know that my father had to be erased from existence..." began Chuckie, "but, in a way, I kinda wish he could still be here with me. At least, the way I knew him before... you know." Tommy thought for a moment.

"Well", said Tommy, "If anyone knew anything that might help you get in touch with some piece of your father, it would be that guy". Tommy pointed to Santa Claus.

"Do you really think..."

"Who knows", said Tommy. "No harm in asking." Chuckie nervously got out of his chair and made his way to Santa Claus.

"Uh, hi Mr. Claus", said Chuckie.

"Ho ho ho, call me Nick!" said Santa Claus. "How can I help you, lad?"

"Well, my dad's soul was kind of purged out of existence, but I was wondering, if any scrap of his essence remained in this world, if there were any way I might be able to get in contact with him."

"Ho..." said Santa Claus, "ho ho. Well, I actually think I might have just the thing!" He opened his sack and pulled out a Ouija board. Chuckie immediately put it on the table and tried to use it. "I don't think you'll be able to get in contact with your father here, lad."

"Then where should I go?"

"The Wellspring of Neoteric Oblivion", said Santa. "If it is possible anywhere, it will be there. And even if its not possible, well... it is Christmas"

"Thank you, S... Nick", said Chuckie. He returned to Tommy.

"I have to take this Ouija board to the Wellspring of Neoteric Oblivion."

"That would be the way to do it", said Tommy. "I can go with you."

"Are you sure?" asked Chuckie.

"Yes", said Tommy. He told his friends to watch over the feast and make sure it went well. Of course, the Death Guard did have to come along, as being bound to Tommy's soul, but they stayed at a distance to be ready for any emergency.

"I may not like it, and I may not like you", said Negan, "But, these bonds on my soul, they just won't let me defy this."

And so Tommy, Chuckie, Lou Pickles, Saruman the White, and Negan left the castle.

"So, where is the Wellspring of Neoteric Oblivion?" asked Chuckie.

"It is the spiritual center of the Death Dimension", said Tommy. "The important thing is that I know the way."

Chuckie followed Tommy. He looked around and thought about the World of the Living. He had heard that, for a good period of time, that world had started to die, but in that ten year span the colors in the Death Dimension started looking more vibrant. He wondered what that could mean, and he wondered if Tommy had any similar thoughts.

They found themselves at the edge of a dark forest. On the path they were surprised to find Gandalf the White taking a nap, and hoped that Saruman wouldn't do anything rash. Tommy awoke Gandalf with a kick to the side.

"Wake up", Tommy said.

"Oh, hello!" said Gandalf. "Sorry, I seem to have dozed off a bit." Gandalf realized who he was talking to. "Now, what is the Death Emperor doing on this road on Christmas?"

"I'm bringing my friend to the Wellspring of Neoteric Oblivion in an attempt to communicate with a soul I destroyed with the Atomic Blade."

"Huh", said Gandalf. He looked into the woods. "You've still got quite a way to go. Perhaps you would like a guide through these woods."

"Not necessary", said Tommy.

"Please", said Gandalf. "I have not had a good time in death, and I'm afraid that I've lost something important to my mind. I'm not even certain if the person I passed that information to in life is still alive. Ah, what I'm trying to say is... its Christmas. Humor this old man."

"It is Christmas", said Tommy. "Fine. Come along, then."

"Excellent!" said Gandalf.

"I will let you know that Saruman is in our company..."

"Oh!" said Gandalf. "Oh..."

They walked through the forest. Chucky looked around, and was shocked to see that the trees seemed to be growing babies. Tommy noticed the surprise on his friend's face.

"The Forest of Infant Death and Miscarriage", said Tommy. "Whenever a baby dies, or is miscarried or aborted at birth, this is where their soul ends up. They sleep peacefully in these trees and dream of realities beyond our own. They can be awakened, but only by the souls that birthed them if they decide to come here, or by the Death Emperor." Tommy stopped talking for a moment. "Your father, The Finster, actually retrieved you guys from this place to serve in his palace."

"I see", said Chuckie. He was still slightly unnerved, but there was a kind of peace here that he could enjoy.

"Hold on", said Gandalf. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear wh..."

"Sh-sh-sh", said Gandalf. They stopped and fell silent. They could hear something wandering through the woods. Possibly multiple somethings. Gandalf crept off the trail and beckoned for Tommy and Cuckie to follow. They did so, and discovered a group of reindeer. Gandalf signaled for the others to stop, and went out into the clearing. The reindeer noticed him, but did not panic. They only watched on as Gandalf spread his arms in a welcoming pose, and ultimately they approached him.

"Its okay now", said Gandalf. "You can come out." Tommy and Chuckie stepped into the clearing.

"Santa's reindeer", said Tommy. "He'll be glad to know that we found these."

"Let's ride", said Gandalf, mounting a reindeer. And so they rid through the forest.

When they made it to the other side, they emerged into a large meadow. In the distance, on a hill, there was a large circular stone monument, with what appeared to be a giant pillar of water rising into the sky from its center, disappearing into a star in the sky. However, that pillar seemed to be ensnared by tendrils of some sort of dark energy.

"The Wellspring of Neoteric Oblivion", said Tommy. "But something seems wrong. Come on, let's ride!" And so they spread across that field. There was a sort of unsettling energy surrounding the area, and phantoms seemed to reach out from the corners of their consciousness to try and pull them off of their reindeer, but they stayed on and rode on.

They arrived at the monument, dismounted, and ran inside.

They all came to a stop in the main chamber.

"What the?" said Chuckie. He had already taken out the Ouija board, but when he saw what was waiting for him in there he dropped it.

The room was a circular chamber made of stone etched with intricate carvings and designs. At the center of the room, on the ceiling, there was a pool of water, seeming to defy gravity. The Wellspring of Neoteric Oblivion. Standing beneath the Wellspring there was a man in a dark, unzipped cloak, no shirt, and black pants. This man had long blond hair, but he didn't have a face. There was only featureless skin, blank and lifeless as a mannequin. He had an arm extended up to the Wellspring, but past his elbow his arm turned into what seemed to be a mass of dark energy, which spread into threads the further it went, spreading and spiraling into the Wellspring. This was the source of the dark energy they had seen earlier.

"You motherfucker!" yelled Gandalf. "You have contaminated the Wellspring of Neoteric Oblivion with your will and you shall die!" said Gandalf and Gandalf shot lightning at the faceless man. But the man caught the lightning in his free hand and crushed that energy out of existence. Laughter echoed throughout the room.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you", boomed a loud, British voice, seemingly from the Wellspring.

"And why not?" asked Tommy. There was only laughter in response. "Wait a second, I know you..." said Tommy. It was then that, on the man's exposed chest, he noticed the tattoo of a lotus. "You're the Master of Sanity, LOTUS L..."

"I know the name that you're about to call me about, and I'll let you know now that I no longer go by that name. I am Eli. Or, should I say, I am the Fallen Star called Wormwood. I am the Angel with the Silver Tongue. I am the Darkness that gnaws at the hearts and minds of all men and women. I am the Snake that hides in the Garden of Eden. I am..."

IMMORTAL PUPPET MASTER LOTUS OF SANITY ELI!

"And as for why trying to kill me might be a bad idea, I'm afraid that I've reached into the Realm Between the Two Wellsprings and into the other side! If you destroy the part of me that dwells in the Death Dimension, which is simply my undying body without any mind or soul, who knows what would happen to the other layers of reality that I'm tied to?"

"Shit, he's right", said Tommy. "Goddammit."

"This is not good", said Gandalf. "Not good at all. We must leave at once!"

"Oh, well, you know that I can't allow you to leave this place now, right?" There was silence for a moment. "Hm... I wonder... if I were to kill you, would I become a hybrid LOTUS of both Sanity and Death? I think I'll find out!" He waved his free hand and the shadows in the room sprang to life as hideous monsters. His theme song, "World of Lines" by Coheed and Cambria, also started playing within the Wellspring.

"We've got to go!" yelled Tommy. "CHUCKIE, COME ON!"

But Chuckie had gotten what he had wanted. In the middle of Eli's monologue, he noticed that the piece on the Ouija board had started to move, and by the time Tommy had called to him it had already spelled the message "I am always with you. I love you, son. Merry Christmas!"

"Right!" said Chuckie. Chuckie readied his fists, Tommy drew the Atomic Blade, Gandalf readied his staff, and they all fought the monsters. But as they fought, Chuckie noticed that the other two seemed to be fighting thin air.

"Be careful, Chuckie!" yelled Tommy. "These demons only exist within our own minds, and we can only fight our own demons. Don't be fooled, though; they can still kill you!"

"Right!" said Chuckie, and he punched his way through his personal demons.

They made it outside the Chamber of the Wellspring and found Saruman, Lou, and Negan waiting for them.

"What's going on in there, sprout?" asked Lou.

"The Master of Sanity is corrupting the Wellspring. He sicked some Inner Demons on us, but we made it out alive."

"Think we can kill him?" asked Negan.

"Its too risky", said Tommy. "He has extended his Will into at least two other worlds: the World of the Living and the Realm Between the Two Wellsprings!"

"What a cunt", said Saruman.

"I know, right?" said Gandalf.

Tommy got on his reindeer. "Come on, guys!" he shouted, and everyone mounted a reindeer and took to the sky.

"And where do you think you're going?!" came a voice from behind them. Tommy looked back and saw Psycho Mantis flying after them.

"Shit!" he said. They took evasive maneuvers, but he would not be shaken, and he was influencing their minds so that their flying was sloppy.

"Go on without me!" shouted Tommy. He turned around his reindeer and drew the Atomic Blade.

"You know what this is, right?" asked Tommy.

"Something too powerful for the likes of you!" retorted Psycho Mantis.

"Hmph", said Tommy, and he charged towards Mantis and slashed at him. However, it just cut through thin air.

"An illusion..." said Tommy. He looked around. He was in the clear. He went after his friends.

They all returned to the feast.

"About damn time!" shouted Sandor "The Hound" "Bernie" Clegane.

"Not now, Bernie", said Tommy, taking his seat.

"Gawrsh, is somethin' the matter?" asked Goofy.

Tommy looked to everyone else who had seen what he had seen, and they all just averted their eyes.

"Its nothing", said Tommy. "Come on, guys, stop worrying! This is a good time! Its fuckin' Christmas! Let's just enjoy the fact that we're all together for this glorious day!" The people nearby did not seem convinced, so Tommy raised his pint of ale into the air and said "Come on, everybody! A cheer to Christmas! A cheer, and maybe a prayer, to the Godchris! God bless us, everyone!"

"God bless us, everyone!" everyone in the hall cheered with their drinks raised high. It was an absolutely beautiful Christmas banquet, and everyone had a very merry time, despite the fact that the entire Multiverse was due to collapse.

TO BE CONTINUED...

IN "SPRING FLOWERS BLOSSOM LIKE THE CRIMSON TEARS OF MY HEART"


End file.
